Dad

As most people know, I lost mine a couple of years ago. With fathers day coming up, hes been on my mind more than usual. I spent some time today in the spare room in our house, looking at things he left me. I was thinking, man, if I just had more time with him. But not knowing he would die, would I? I just remember him calling me, saying "I haven't heard from you in a while son, I was just wondering how you were." I was trying to start my life, mom and dad didn't seem that important at the time. Regrets, right? I don't usually worry about things I cant change, but that one bothers me. Its just time. Theres always time. I spent so much of it hating him for beating me, talking down to me, naming me Robin. But deep down, I know he loved me, even if he never said it. Something awesome happened in 95. I became a Jesus follower. Through Him I forgave dad. Even more awesome, a couple of years later, he became one. We had an "nonverbal" understanding he was sorry and he loved me. Then his liver disease set in a few years ago, and suddenly I realized there was no more time. I had to travel to Virginia to spend time with him. He got worse. My later visits were spent in the hospital with him and my stepmother, watching him and cleaning him. I can hardly bear to think of it right now. All my time was spent on me, all I had to do was go see him, but I was busy. so I had to settle on the time in the hospital. I remember him looking at me one day, saying, "I'm proud of you, and I love you." Something he probably have said a long time ago had I made time for him. Then, I got the death bed call. Ive never driven so fast in my life. He couldn't talk so I did. I told him I loved him, and I forgave him. He died the next day. Carrie was with me, I told her to spend all the time she could with her mom and dad, because you don't have forever. I was 24. I also spend more time with mom, who lives in the same town. I'm thankful for her dad, who hasn't missed a beat. He loves me like one of his own, even scolding me when he has to. And her mom. My lesson? What hurt is worth holding on to?